With the whole back to school thing, the usual repercussions have been observed. Chief amongst them is that Paddy has caught his first cold of the season and is suffering from a high temperature and congestion. Congestion leads to coughing which leads to puking. Always. Every time. A lot of bed clothes in the wash these last couple of nights. Worse is Roisin getting in on the act and while her symptoms are not so severe, she can't suck properly due to her blocked nose, making feeding problematic. Anna and I have escaped so far, with Sally feeling a bit under the weather. Welcome to winter. And it does feel wintry now what with the rain and the shorter evenings and a distinct drop in temperature. Jesus Christ, I'm talking about the fucking weather!

I saw someone's (extremely articulate) anxieties about becoming a parent the other day, and it made me think about my own attitude to being a parent. It's not a place I ever expected to be in. When I was younger I intended getting the snip to avoid the issue completely and happily I was too lazy or afraid to do anything about it. When Anna came along I was freaked out and I sort of lost my mind a little. My main fear after she was born was that she'd grow up to hate me, or more likely, be indifferent to me -- not because of anything I did or didn't do, but because that's how children get. I also didn't comprehend how much she loved me until one night she had a dream in which I broke a lot of bones and was very badly hurt. She was in floods of tears and it was a complete revelation to me how much I had underestimated her feelings towards me. My fears and general cluelessness got in the way of me enjoying my relationship with her for a long time, but now, while I haven't lost the fear, I'm enjoying how we are. I doubt if she knows how easy it would be for her to break my heart.

I have learned my lesson, mostly, and I am much more relaxed about being in love with my kids now than I was. I'm enjoying being a parent and I no longer feel that being one is interfering with my life -- it's part of my life.Of course most of this is obvious to anyone with an ounce of common sense, but while it's taken me a while to reach this understanding, I'm determined to make it count.

And why wouldn't I be?